You meet someone for the first time at a networking event, conference, dinner party, or even in line for coffee. And without thinking, the first question that spills out is: “So, what do you do?” It’s an easy default. A safe way to start a conversation. But is it really the best way?

I’ve been a marketing and communications pro for my entire career. That’s what I do. But who I am is a father, husband, mentor, storyteller, leader.

Over time, I’ve come to realize how limiting that question can be. Because when we ask “What do you do?” what we’re really asking is, “What’s your job title?” or “What’s your function in the professional world?” And while that may be informative, it rarely scratches the surface of who someone really is.

We Are Not Our Job Titles

When we define someone solely by their occupation, we risk missing the richness of their story. Their values. Their passions. Their unique perspectives.

A marketing director might also be a community builder, a mental health advocate, or an artist. A software engineer could be a first-generation college graduate, a podcast host, or a parent navigating work-life balance. Those details — the human ones — are where real connection begins.

Asking “Who Are You?” (And Actually Listening)

I’ve started asking (not with complete consistency, I confess) a different question: “Who are you?” It throws people off at first. It’s not a question we’re used to answering — or being asked — in professional settings. But that’s exactly why it matters.

It invites people to share what matters to them. It gives space for their personality, their origin story, their beliefs, and their quirks. It shifts the focus from performance to personhood. And here’s the secret: when you connect on a human level first, the professional connection tends to follow more naturally — and more meaningfully.

Try It For Yourself

Next time you’re meeting someone new, try leading with curiosity instead of career:

• What gets you leaping out of bed each morning?
• What’s your story?
• What’s something you’re excited about right now?

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with discussing work but let’s not make it the only thing we ask. We are multi-dimensional people. And sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is simply see someone as a whole human being, not just a job description.

Because in a world where everyone is trying to stand out by what they do, it’s refreshing — and far more memorable — to be seen for who you are.